Question 6: Where did noobs get the meat joose?

This question is by far the most commonly asked question here at the Ask Gary Blog during our debut week. No idea why that is, and what's going on in popular culture that generated the critical mass behind this question going global (it was probably something that happened on Heroes), but whatever, here's the deal…

First, I must begin with some background letting all of you know who Noobs is. To clarify, despite any apparent resemblance (from the waist up I'd imagine) Noobs is not this guy, although I can understand your mistake. The accompanying photo was taken during Noobs' college years, allegedly for beer money, when he posed for a biology textbook for a meager $40.

A 1990 Syracuse grad and occasional incest dabbler, Noobs lived a storied life in the Boston suburb where he grew up. His exploits with Granny are the stuff of legend, and his interlude with his sister (just to see how it feels) may in fact be too graphic to describe on this mixed company blog, although I suppose it's far less graphic than what Noobs actually used the meat joose for. That brings us to our convoluted answer.

Answer: Two schools of thought on this one. First theory is that Noobs "wrang out" some old uncooked hamburger to procure the vital jooses. I find this one to be the most plausible explanation, as old hamburger does tend to desaturate the moisture that has built up in the meat tissue. An alternate camp believes that Noobs had the joose delivered by a local butcher, allegedly for taunting sharks in Boston Harbor. Since Noobs wasn't much of a boater (or shark taunter for that matter), this alternate theory is readily discredited.

Enjoy..................G